Sometimes I’m Demanding


I love the honesty of Marian, her sexual energy, humour and her frank discussion of a challenge most of us face!

Originally posted on Creative Noodling:

Nathan doesn’t like to have sex if I’m on my period. And I can understand that. If I’m not at the beginning or the end I don’t really want to have sex either. Unless the end drags on and on and… on. In that case, if he is around and sleeping in my bed, I want to fuck him senseless.

But in the last week that he’s been here, there has been none of that. Every morning I wake up to an epic specimen of morning wood brushing my thigh, but when I mention sex the question he asks is, “Are you still broken?”

In other words, no sex for Marian. So there has been a Mexican standoff in my little cottage. If I can’t have orgasms from him, then I had no intention of giving him any form of release. But this morning I didn’t exactly stick to my…

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Paradigm Shift

It has been nearly a year and a half since my last post on this blog, and I have moved not only countries but continents since then. More importantly, I have travelled significant internal journeys in this time, searching more intensively than ever before to find a focus for my work, a way to feel comfortable with being settled in a more long-term way than ever before, and to get back my sense of who and how I really want to be in my life.

Part of this journey has been about pushing myself to be more authentic, vulnerable, and honest. It has been a process of trying to integrate the disparate fragments of my personality into a more coherent whole, and to regain a clearer sense of purpose. It has also involved tackling a few past demons, and trying to move beyond my feelings of victimhood in some key areas of my life, centrally within my relationships and my sexuality.

I have also started to re-engage with feminist dialogues in the past six or so months, and I have been feeling increasingly uneasy about this blog. On the one hand everything I wrote here was true – and, moreover, it was an enormous amount of fun at the time. The project was started as an exercise in exploration and empowerment: I wanted to break free of the inhibitions of my past and throw myself into a more fun and fulfilling sex life, taking control rather than being a passive subject. Continue reading